I'm so happy to be writing to you from a gorgeous home, set up on a hill, overlooking other small mountains and valleys in S Oregon. I feed the chickens every morning and the cat and I work out our morning routine of eating and cuddling. I didn't realize how stressed out I was and how much energy I used by extending my hospital RN contract an extra three months until I arrived here and felt my shoulders drop.
I'm still shifting gears and noticing the emergence of an old, familiar character "Fraudulent Fiona". She's my internal heckler and her favorite question is, "Who do you think you are?!?". I remember when I first heard Oprah talk about this gremlin many of us have inside and how it can get in the way of sharing really good stuff that we might have to offer. I was amazed that someone as evolved and who had her own popular show on tv could identify with that phrase. I probably thought I was only one of a few that felt that way. Then I started to notice it being talked and written about a lot. This week's Seed has something to say in response:
"The word repair means to 'make ready'. I also like that it implies bringing two things together again,
like mind/body or ego/soul. Food for thought."
As a coach and mentor to others, I would not be caring for myself or my clients if I didn't also have a coach (or, in my case, coaches) on board. This week I had to look at the fact that I was doubting myself. I was thinking of some courses and programs I'd like to offer and Fraudulent Fiona started up in my head. Another beautiful coach I know, Grace Kelly (www.gracefulcoaching.net) talks about "Bob the drunk" (I'm sure he and Fiona are related) and how he can slurringly (is that even a word?!?) mis-advise her if her guard is down. As I shared this with my coach and she reminded me that Fi was my "heckler", I told her I needed to get rid of Fiona. My coach paused and then, she recommended that I experiment with learning to play
and partner with Fiona. I've heard comedians say something similar about dealing with wise-guys in the audience. In other words, in order for me to bolster my self confidence, I need to "re-pair" my ego with my soul. As I've said so many times before, while the Ego can get in the way and try to make my life more restricted and smaller, it's usually acting up in order to protect me. When this happens, I've learned to get quiet and make contact with my Soul. Then, my Soul can soothe and reassure my Ego. Fraudulent Fiona is worried that I might not create the "perfect" course or somebody might not like it. She's trying to shield me and that's when I need to call out to Brilliant Brenda. She's got the sparkling cape and really cool boots and she raises my vibration while reassuring Fi. What two things do you need to bring together? Instead of fighting each other, try integrating the different parts that make you up and go into you being uniquely and magnificently you. Instead of enemies, you might find that your aspects are actually allies -- this is what I wish for you.
Sparkles and Love,