Out of (Your) Control


It's a beautiful, chilly day in S Oregon as I'm writing this. Compared to Boston/New England winters, it's much milder out here. I admit I'm happy to have avoided the nearly two feet of snow back east last weekend. Wherever you are, I hope you are able to make the best of it. What time of year do you like the most? I love spring. It feels fresh, new, and full of possibilities.


As I wrote that last question about which season is your favorite, I was thinking about how much discussion that simple "ask" can arouse. Especially when talking with people who live or grew up with four seasons -- it can get quite lively. Sometimes it's fun to watch someone try to convince another person that their favorite time of year is the best. It's usually good to be passionate about things, but does it sometimes get in the way? This week's Seed addressed that:

"Everyone is on their own path with their own inner guidance.

There's no reason to defend your beliefs

or try to persuade others --

they don't have to be 'like you'."



Calling your seasonal preference a "belief" might be a little extreme, yet I've sometimes heard someone argue that fall (or winter, or spring, or summer) is "so much better, because ..." When we do this, and we all do it sometimes, we push up against the other person and we're sending out the message that we're "right" and they're "wrong". To take this further, once we're "pushed", we "push" back. The definition of "push" is to exert force in order to move something/someone away or to move forward by causing people to move aside


Doesn't sound very collaborative, does it?


Talking about a favorite season might seem silly, yet how often does it appear that we are not accepting of others beliefs or opinions? I get it -- sometimes it's hard when our views aren't acknowledged, especially when we feel so committed to them. A big part of that frustration is our realization that we don't have control over anyone but ourselves. But, while control may be elusive, we do have the power of influence. When we let go of criticism or judgement we open up space for conversation. If we are passionate about what we believe and it comes from our soul and we own it in a way that attracts others, we might offer a choice for another point of view. At the same time, as my comment on The Seed stated:


"... feel free to share from the heart and understand

it might just be a fact-finding mission."


However, that inquiry might also plant a seed of its own.


Give up your false sense of "controlling" anyone. It will only cause heartbreak and irritation and resentment. Look for common ground where you can identify with someone else. Stop the story about what's "wrong" with them. Be happy about what works best for you. All of this I wish for you.


Sparkles and Love,


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About the Author

 

 

 

Barbara L Cummings, MS, RN

is a sassy Queen-ager, mentor, confidante and trusted guide who provides people with life support. 

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