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Good Advice


Happy 4th of July! You'll be receiving this a couple days later (at least), however I'm writing it on Independence Day, USA. Ever since I moved back to Boston, I've noticed the history of this country's early days all around me. So many of the older homes have dates on them, from the 17th and 18th centuries and there are many reminders of the Revolutionary War. One interesting fact that I only recently realized is that the Revolution lasted from 1775 to 1783, even though the Declaration of Independence was drafted in 1776. The war itself did not end until 1783. It makes me curious about how they viewed what they were "fighting" for and also reminds me that we are still in the process of looking to gain or maintain certain rights.

On to this week's Bloom ... Monday's Seed was:

"Notice when you reject good advice and question it." As I read back what was posted, I realized I might have re-written it to say, "... and question that (the rejection)." My thought was to perhaps revisit the "why" of ignoring the offer of some sage suggestion. The way it was stated, it could have also meant that we might want to second-guess well-intentioned guidance and I could probably go in that direction another time. This week I want to explore how we sometimes self-sabotage. This Seed was prompted by my own reflection on how I treated recommendations from my therapist many years ago. I might have mentioned that I was about to embark on more work with her (thirty years later) and was very excited, when she suddenly passed away last year. To say I was devastated is not an understatement. I'm still in search of someone to help me work a few things out (we all need help at times) and in the meantime, I've been reviewing some of what she counseled me on and how I dismissed it. Looking back, it was not my finest hour, especially since a part of me knew she might be right.

I got in touch with some of the feelings I had associated with her propositions and reflections on where I might have been veering off course so many years ago. It's interesting to me how we can access those feelings even when the exact words aren't easily recalled. Here's some of what I've come to realize:

  • I really wanted to be "right" back then and was terrified of being "wrong".

  • I had little to no interest in "owning" my part in many interactions and wanted to blame others instead

  • My ego was calling the shots while my soul wept for me, even as it tried to get my attention to no avail. I can almost hear the tiny voice I kept shoving down.

  • I had very little regard or self-love for myself, so it would have been difficult for me to understand the concept. Is it any wonder that I struggled to express love for others even though that is what I wanted more than anything?!

On some level it's amazing that I functioned as well as I did. It's probably because I was very task driven -- more about the doing than the being, but that can only take you so far. I was pursuing spiritual comfort because I recognized that I needed it, desperately. Still, I spent more time arguing against it or flat out turning it down when offered. I won't get into the gory details, but I basically blew up parts of my life. I remember grabbing onto the quote by Catherine Ard:

"If you can't be a good example, at least be a terrible warning." Here's what I finally extracted from my misguided thoughts and behaviours. Let this be my "prescription" or proposal for you.

  • When someone you know and trust tries to give you some helpful input, pause. Even if or especially if you want to push back, take a minute to examine your reaction.

  • If you even get a hint that it's probably good information and you're not sure why you're discounting it, sit with it for a while. Maybe write about what you're noticing. Ask for help from your angels or Universe or wherever you connect.

  • Don't take action right away to completely pass on the offer of another perspective.

We all take action and make decisions that aren't necessarily the best. Sometimes we can change direction right away and other times it takes a bit longer to get in the groove. Make time to learn to love yourself and watch yourself open up more and more to "good advice" -- this is what I wish for you. It's not easy to be vulnerable and open to suggestions. Often, we need help. I've been in some tough situations and learned a lot and that's helped me to sit with others doing the same. If you want an appointment with me "just to see", contact me.


Sparkles and Love,


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About the Author

 

 

 

Barbara L Cummings, MS, RN

is a sassy Queen-ager whose mission is to co-create a happier, healthier life with and for others.

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