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It's OK -- Ask

Hello, again! It's good to be here and I hope you are finding some joy wherever you are. I'm a little excited. I just finished my hospital nursing contract out here in S Oregon. I've mentioned that it was a little challenging at times. I often felt awkward, usually because of the differences between a smaller, more rural facility as compared to the larger, inner-city, teaching hospitals I'm used to. I also found it interesting and I had the opportunity to experience some of the different aspects of American health care. I feel more strongly than ever that our emphasis is on "sick-care" and little focus or even awareness of what it means to be healthy.

Today's Bloom is about caring for ourselves, which contributes to our wellness. This is important for our own health and lets us be able to show up for others. As a reminder, The Seed from a few days ago:

"Learn to ask for help without self-judgement. Then, when someone asks you for help, you can give it freely and lovingly."

It's an interesting phenomenon how hesitant many of us are to ask for help. Somehow, that's become a sign of weakness or a fault, as if we should always have the answers and be totally self-sufficient all the time. That's not how life works and it's truly a fantasy that it could ever be realistic. If and when we do finally ask for support, it's usually accompanied by an inner dialogue of self-criticism. But, it doesn't end there. I'm sure we've all worked with or encountered people who have a whiff of disdain toward us if we ask for assistance. Over the years, having watched others and having seen it in myself, I've noticed that that reaction comes from our own inner insecurities. It reminds us of our struggles with feeling inadequate and we push against that. It's not pretty or a helpful situation and it leaves both sides feeling badly.

In order to make this better, we have to start with self-compassion. Recognizing that we can't take care of everything all on our own and embrace how much it "takes a village" for all of us to navigate our lives. For example, I am grateful to the mechanics who have been working on my car (since April! ... another story) and all the people it took to get the parts delivered to the Service Department. I could not have fixed my broken car by myself. I also appreciate the beautiful, fresh vegetables my daughter grows and shares and that I'm fortunate to eat. I'm not much of a gardener myself. There are so many things that I need help with and my inability to do something is not cause for thinking less of myself. As I welcome help from others, I can feel better about responding to someone else's needs. It doesn't have to "trigger" a negative, scornful response. Many of us like being helpful and don't like giving someone else the opportunity to be helpful. Let's welcome the give and the take. Let someone lend you a hand and make something easier. Then you can turn around and give it right back at them or pay it forward -- this is what I wish for you. Are you struggling somewhere in your life? I've been doing what I can to help others by benefitting from some of the big life's lessons I've learned along the way. I've also been investing recently in expanding my skills through a Nurse Coaching Program. If you think it's time to "ask for a little help", send me an email and we can set up a Discovery Session. I love to chat!

Sparkles and Love,


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About the Author




Barbara L Cummings, MS, RN

is a sassy Queen-ager whose mission is to co-create a happier, healthier life with and for others.

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