I've been doing a huge amount of self-reflection for some time, especially over the last eighteen months. It's been interesting, some of it not very pretty, and other parts delightful. When I started seriously studying the teachings of Buddha I was introduced to the universal law of change. Everything is constantly in transition and I say, "thank goodness!". Some people talk about getting a second chance ... I feel like I've needed dozens of them. I'm grateful for (almost) everything that's lead up to where I am today. Apparently, I needed a lot of learning experiences! Fortunately, I actually learned something with each of them.
For example, in my twenties and thirties I was often in a "bad mood". I had employers take me aside and tell me that while my work was great, my attitude needed an adjustment. Friends would mention that they wished I could be happier since I had a great life although I wasn't always aware of that. I did enjoy myself quite a bit and I also had a very self-centered view of the world. In my mind, when things didn't go "right", I took it personally and blamed everyone else for screwing things up. My terrified Ego was running the show and while I'm sure there were times when she truly thought she was protecting me, having her in charge was not good.
By the time I was fifty, my Soul had finally made herself known to me, but only in fits and starts. It's not her style to be loud and rambunctious like the egotistical part of me. In fact, I had to get quiet through meditation and by simply slowing down and gently paying attention. My miserable mood and 'tude started to make fewer appearances. Over time I realized I wasn't focused on what was happening to me and I started paying more attention to others. Now instead of trying hard to be "interesting" and worrying about what people think of me, it's more fulfilling to be "interested" in people and places around me. Looking back it's painful to see how difficult my partnership with my Ego made things. Pairing up with my Soul gave me the gift of ease. Now, life gets better and better and this is what I wish for you.
Sparkles and Love,