Hemming and Hawing

Do you ever find yourself in the midst of indecisiveness, dilly-dallying, or sitting on the fence? Lately, it's where I live and it's not comfortable. One minute I think I want to buy a franchise, the next I consider simply being a travel nurse until I drop, and then, I start wondering if I should run a B&B. Those are only three of the possibilities that have run through my mind recently. There have been many more. Some of them show up in dreams (those lean toward the bizarre) and some catch my attention when I hear about someone else doing something that sounds interesting. Over all, it's exhausting and it leaves me questioning almost everything.

This is what it's like to be in my head lately;

"Hmmmm, should I find a place to live in Boston and use that as my home base or, should I just keep traveling around, staying wherever I land next in my travels?"
"I really want to lose weight. I wonder if I should go Paleo, Ketogenic, or Whole 30? Maybe I'll just sign up for Weight Watchers."
"I love the idea of doing retreats with small groups, but how many a year should I plan? What should I teach at these retreats? Who would want to go? Should I limit it to a certain age group?"
"My car is a 2011 model. Is that old for a car? I'll be driving cross-country again in the fall -- should I think about getting a new car? It's been very dependable, so far, but it's got over 100,000 miles on it. Will it make it?"

When these thoughts start spinning out of control I find myself looking for something to eat (preferably unhealthy -- a salad never comes to mind!) or, wanting to binge watch an old TV show (White Collar has me mesmerized lately) or, wanting to take a nap. What's it all about, Alfie? This week's Monday Pleasure Peek has the answer.

"Our indecision is no more than a symptom of our disconnection with our power source, our turn on, and our truth."

Thank you, Mama Gena. That's it, exactly. As long as I stay in my head I will be ambivalent,

wavering, and tentative. What I really need is to go deep, sit with the discomfort of uncertainty and wait for the voice of truth from within. I need to find my turn on, the spark that validates me. I've been in that space of doubt before and the only way out is to go in. I love it when life shows up as a paradox: Doing less will bring me more. Instead of raising the volume I need to get into the quiet spaces.

If you're finding yourself vacillating, dithering, or hesitating, just stop. Remind yourself that this is a temporary "forgetfulness" and that, for the moment, you've lost your relationship with your core, your God (or, whatever you want to call it), your genuine, reliable self. Turn inward and get linked up again.

Do you wonder what all the "hoopla" is about meditation? Send me a message at my personal email: cummingsbarbara@gmail.com Put the word "hoopla" in the subject line and we can set up a time for a short chat.