I have three, fabulous, grown children, two boys and a girl. All three were born over the course of 4 years, 1980, 1983 & 1984. My daughter lives on the west coast and my sons are both in the Boston area. I love them fiercely and with all my heart. Right now I have a good relationship with them, but it wasn't always that way.
I struggled in my marriage for several years. Instead of practicing profound self-care, I wasted a lot of time blaming my husband for ALL of the problems and found myself frequently short-tempered and frustrated. I literally did not know better and could not do better (thank you, Maya Angelou). Now, so many years later, I am astounded at some of my behavior and saddened remembering the way I thought about things. By the time the marriage ended, I only knew that I had to reclaim the self I had lost along the way.
It was not an easy time for any of us, especially my teenage children. Over the next several years and even until now we have worked on repairing our bond and learning how to stay connected. At times I was torn between trying to be their mother and wanting to be their friend. I kept hoping that things would get better.
As I learned about the healing effects of taking care of myself, I was excited to share my new ways of thinking and being with my kids. The more I tried to "teach" them, the more they resisted. I was learning, but I wasn't practicing the lessons. I floundered until I understood the importance of finding my own truth, getting centered and living in and with my new skills. I had to embody the knowledge.
I stopped "helping" my children change. As I found a new contentment within, I simply shared with them some of my own recently uncovered ideas. They watched me and little by little I noticed they sometimes chose to adopt them themselves. I know I have to do what's good for me in order to reach my potential. Then, I am able to support others and encourage them to step into their own world of wonderful possibility.